The Identity in Why

It has been a little more than two months since I began volunteering for MOC. I have become friends with the guides who introduce me to the patients, and through the short conversations we have between rooms, we get to know one another little by little. Yesterday, for the first time, the question of why I volunteer with MOC came up.

"Is it because you identify yourself with the patients?" My guide asked.

No, not quite. The fact is, I cannot understand how anyone can ever identify herself as a victim just because she has been hurt or because she has lost something dear to her. It is simply a category that a person would never (I don't think) willingly put herself in. However, whether we like it or not, life is bound to have a few bumps in it, big or small, and some of us find ourselves in situations where everyone else cannot but see us as "victims". Or in this case, patients.

I remember when I first became paralyzed, flocks of visitors came to my bedside, each prepared with a "ya gotta be strong" speech. They bring me books, cassettes and video tapes of individuals who have lost their legs, their hands and other vital body parts. "Look on the bright side, you still have everything attached to your body, they just don't work now", "Disability is nothing to be ashamed of", and my personal favorite, "You really should become friends with the guy next door because he's also in a wheelchair", as if the fact that we both travel on wheels should bring about a camaraderie that surpasses all else. To some of them, I was no longer who I was before the hemorrhage. I was now a patient.

So, speaking from an ex-patient's point of view (one who was proud, almost stubborn), I did not and do not identify myself in the rigid category of "patients", and I don't think anyone I play for sees themselves that way. They are who they are, in a situation they don't enjoy, with a few needs they did not have when they were up and running about. Having gone through similar circumstances once, I come to their beds with nothing but a prayer to give them a little of what I have been graciously blessed with to complement the healing process. I want to help, to the best of my current abilities, and I have the responsibility to do so.