Believing for more

Today I had an interesting conversation with one of the people I work with. He is a neurologist who is familiar with my condition, although during the three years we have known each other we very seldom talked about it. As everyone else left at the end of the day, only the two of us remained in the office, finishing up our work.

"Hey...uh, as you know, I know about your, uh, medical history..." he started.

I looked up from the spreadsheet in front of me, slightly amused. From experience, I had a hunch where this was heading.

"How much did it really affect your playing?"

I quickly told him the well-practiced response I have given to countless people who cared to ask and explained that playing the violin requires different combinations of strength and dexterity that vary from technique to technique. As such, it's impossible to give a straight answer to his question. But bear in mind that I have recovered thus far from complete paralysis.

"Yes, yes, that's true..." He mumbled. He then began to tell me his experiences with patients who went through similar neurological traumas. "Young people like you tend to recover faster because you are healthier, more active and have greater neuroplasticity. However, you can't really expect to recover one hundred percent. After all, you took a pretty big fall." He concluded.
(I need to take a moment here to stress that the man is a respected and amiable person who believed that he was talking to a prospective medical student who has been reviewing cases with him all day, not a patient seeking counsel.)

I smiled and kept my mouth shut. My mind wandered to years ago when doctors took turns telling me that I would be forever confined to a wheelchair, that I needed to be strong psychologically and accept my limitations. One doctor, after being asked daily when I would be able to play again, simply told me one day, "Look, can you really expect a ballerina who had a stroke to dance again? You are asking quite a lot!"

I can't say if I can expect this hypothetical ballerina to dance again, but I do know that the violinist is playing again. Some people rejoice with me, knowing full well where my healing comes from, but some others (mostly those who were not with me during this long journey of recovery) attribute it to things like "neuroplasticity" and "strong will". A grateful heart knows, no matter what others tell her, that she has been the recipient of supernatural grace, and a faithful heart knows that she can keep on believing for more because her Maker is without any conceivable limit.

"It's nice that you are playing again," my friend said, before turning back to his desk.

No, it's not just nice. It's a miracle.